Have you ever noticed how the moment someone gets married, all of a sudden they become an expert on relationships and dating? Really, it’s as if married people suddenly have all of the answers and their single friends seek their advice. Well, I am here as your newly minted non-expert! When it comes to dating, I have definitely had my share of troubles and triumphs. But I’m not writing this as a relationship guru. I’m writing this for the ladies who date.
One of my very good friends, who is not doing the Pretty Girls Rock Dresses challenge :(, has a new beau. Although she talks about how much fun she has with him, she never seems to take a whole lot of time dressing for her dates. She makes the effort to put on some lipstick, but not much else. I don’t consider her lipstick effort because she wears it daily, so it’s nothing new. This is not to discount the power of beautifully lacquered lips, I’m definitely a fan. But if the most you can muster in prepping to see a man in whom you are interested is a coat of gloss, then it does not spell good things for the rest of your relationship.
My husband will tell me quickly, “You can just put on whatever,” but I know that he is pleased when I make the effort to look nice when I am out with him. Our first date was to one of the few restaurants in Goldsboro, North Carolina and I remember looking decidedly cute that evening. To be frank, I looked every inch the Spelaka (Spelman AKA) stereotype. There is a place and time for the casual jeans, heels, and cute top when dating, but that comes later! Part of the reason I am excited about the PGR challenge is because it is encouraging us to embrace feminity in ways that many of us, me included, have shied away from for the sake of convenience.
Ladies, could part of the reason that so many Black men and women have difficulties relating to each these days be correlated to how we dress? This lack of effort extends to both genders, but this is for the women. I don’t mean to say that women deciding to put on jeans to go on a date that it is the reason for relational conflict. But, if we don’t take the time to make a little effort when we are in the beginning stages of a romance, then what makes us or men think that we will make an effort later on? You see, dating and courtship are the phases when we fall in love. They are the times when we make all of the extra effort to show our potential how great we can be as mates (though oftentimes we forget, what you did to get him is what you have to do keep him). All I’m saying is, if this man is worth the effort of finding a babysitter (in my friend’s case) or hours of phone calls to your BFF about him, then the least you can do is put a little extra effort in to how you look. Do more than you do on a regular day. If you want him to keep taking you out, you better make sure that he (and the others who see you out with him) have something pretty to look at during the evening.