by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
Are you dating people who you cannot afford to be with? I don’t just mean physically but mentally, emotionally, socially, educationally, spiritually and or economically. When you choose someone new to date, are you on an equal playing field?
Dating on an unequal playing field is a source of frustration and can become out-and-out upsetting. I have coined the phrase “Downward Dating”. Downward dating only eats away at your sanity and puts you in a pile of confusion. In the end, you wind up blaming yourself for the relationships demise. As with many of life’s choices there is no one to blame and many lessons to learn.
The way your dates treat you and the opportunities that come your way are determined by your attitude, energy and your sense of self. Often times, it feels good to blame others, but you know intuitively that it is not right. One of the only things you can possibly get from downward dating is some instant physical satisfaction which is often very nice but does not last for very long. As a result you are not making the connections that you desire and you are not getting the emotional connection you desire; which leads to anger and frustration.
Dating can be compared to a gladiator sport. It is not for the faint of heart. Dating will test you and can shred every ounce of confidence you have or wreak havoc on your self-image. While dating, whatever insecurities you are dealing with will surface and leave you not even recognizing yourself. Have you ever realized that you are you dating the same physical type of man/woman over and over again? Do you have a physical type, such as tall, blonde, bald or muscular? We all have been guilty of dating our “type”thus not making room for anyone else to enter our realm. In addition we still look for a different response and treatment.
Before you go out on another single date start, looking at what you do not like about your dating habits. Start by asking yourself about what you’re experiencing and examine if it is a reflection of how you treat yourself. If you cannot change or are not ready to date, you are doomed to continue creating a cycle. This rings true for any situation that does not work for you anymore. It you want to date differently, you have to start giving yourself something first. If you want to date better people, you have to become a better person. If you want to be respected, you have to give respect to yourself and then to others. If you want to improve the quality of your dates you have to improve the quality of yourself. Start by asking questions “What can I contribute to my dates?” What you receive from any dating situation will transform when you accept yourself.
See you next week for part two of “Downward Dating”.
Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com
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