Yesterday we were talking about why we make our relationships so difficult. I was describing the story of a friend of mine. She wants her boyfriend to move in with her, but due to his finances he could not commit. She interpreted this as a lack of interest and dramatically broke up with him.
Talking to Friends
During her break-up/separation, she has talked to her friends. You all know what talking to your friends can mean when you’re in this condition. It builds you up for a moment. They tell you how beautiful you are, how smart you are and to dump that loser. Most of you will agree with them for the moment and then continue to feel bad about yourself for being in love with a man who is a ‘loser’. Then you become wrapped up in shame about your feelings. With all of that, you begin to cry with your friends comments reverberating in your head. “Girl, you look good. You can find someone better”. When all along, you just want your own comfortable ‘loser’. You don’t care, you love him. He is yours.
Facing the Music
As I listened to my friend talk about loving this man; I wanted to tell her that he’s not a loser. Her guy is dealing with some real hard times and just needed sometime to work through it. Maybe they will get back together, maybe they won’t. My friend took responsibility of her actions. She loves this man and it was clear because she did not blame him for the break up. She actually took the blame. We looked at her actions and she got to see that she did not take any real action in preparing for or having her boyfriend move in with her. In actuality, she was crying about regrets and upsets of not knowing what to do differently.
We created a promise for her to quit crying over the phone when she spoke with him. If she wanted to talk to him, then talk to him in a way that empowered her. Instead of crying, she could share what she was up to – developments with her business, her family, friends, opportunities successes, people they knew in common, and etc. Her man was clearly in her corner and wanted her succeed when they were together, so she should continue to share her wins with him. In return she could acknowledge how he is doing in his world with his music, congratulate him on being busy in the studio and doing his gigs. She could continue to share love for him in a way that has her empowered, fully self-expressing herself instead of confused, upset, feeling weak and hurt all the time.
We focused on the areas of her life that were working; her business, her money/finances, her family, her friendships. The only thing that is not working for her is the relationship with this man. However, what she was doing, like many people, is that she was losing energy by focusing on the one thing that was not working. Focusing on one problem, would inevitably collapse all the great things she is working on and building. By the time we had finished talking and laughing, the color came back to her cheeks; she was sitting taller, her eyes were sparkling again. She felt totally empowered and optimistic after our conversation.
If my friends relationship with this man overcomes their challenge, their lives and relationship will never be the same again. She is embracing power in her future relationships. She will not live in regret and confusion by living in the past and wondering what she could have done differently. She will take risks, speak up, by taking action in her love life going forward. By being a person who takes action, she will never date like this ever again. She will Date Like She Means It, speaking her truth and creating what is important to her in all relationships.
If you or someone in your life can benefit or have benefitted from this article please send me an email Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com or contact me at 718-834-9450. I love helping people overcome their relationship problems and walk into new situations feeling empowered and happy.
Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com
“There’s POWER in the Dress, Purse, and Stiletto.” ~PGRDresses ®.