With the holiday season among us, many of us struggle with grief and loss. Loss happens in many forms. One such form is that of having an absent parent. As a fatherless daughter, I know the pain of feeling abandoned by a father, who simply was not there, all too well. Having been able to heal from my own personal pain, I love speaking to other women about how to deal with and even heal from their own pain regarding being fatherless. Since the holiday season can be a particularly difficult time to deal with being a fatherless daughter, here are some quick tips to help you cope with the pain and feelings of abandonment.
1. Focus on the positive things and people that you do have in your life.
We all have so many things to be thankful for. Often time, we focus on the negative instead of the positive, making our perceived problems bigger than our blessings. If we take the time to be thankful for those who are present in our lives, love us, and care for us we will realize that we have not been abandoned at all. In fact, we are loved and cared for by many who have no intentions of ever leaving us!
2. Give yourself the gift that you have deprived yourself of for so long. Reach out and open up the lines of communication in order to foster a potential relationship.
Despite the outcome, pride yourself on the courage it took for you to take the first step toward building that relationship and opening those lines of communication with your father. That is no small feat and you should be more than proud of yourself for being so fearless. Fathers give us a standard by which to measure all men that enter into our lives. Therefore, you owe it to yourself to try to foster a relationship with your father.
3. Enjoy the season!
While the holiday season often brings about a lot of negative emotions for a lot of people, it can also be a time to celebrate, enjoy time with family and friends and be a blessing to others. Use your time wisely!
While being fatherless is not easy during any season, you can always find the strength within yourself to cope with the pain. Trust and rely on your own strength to heal and find comfort in knowing that no pain lasts forever. Use these tips to help you make it through this holiday season and remember that life is all about perspective. Choose to be happy, choose to enjoy the season and choose to love yourself and those who genuinely love you, this holiday season and everyday thereafter.
Kristin L. Mitchell, M.Ed.
Author: He Wasn’t My Daddy