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If your sex life needs a tune-up more than your car; you might have a problem.

There’s  a plethora of reasons for a lack luster sex drive, but we will classify them under the umbrella that I like to refer to as S CUBED: STRESS, SELF-ESTEEM, and Sexual Incompatibility.

STRESS:

Stress is mental or emotional strain. The causes vary: the office, your home, your relationship, etc. Make a mental note of your daily activities that cause you to cringe. What are some healthy alternatives? Stress will zap your sexual desire and can even impact sexual performance. If a change isn’t incorporated soon, stress will not only own your sex life, but also every other aspect of your life.

SELF-ESTEEM:

More than half of America is “overweight”. I think it’s safe to assume that we’ve all glanced in the mirror from time to time wishing that this “body part” would tighten up, and that other “body part” would lift, leaving you with the perfect silhouette. We often obsess over our flaws and feel that our partners’ are disgusted with our bodies. The butterfly doesn’t know the color of its wings, but humans recognize how beautiful they are. Just like the butterfly, we are often oblivious to what others see. To that end, no one can help you improve your own self-esteem. I’m not suggesting that you binge on Twinkies and Chinese take out and ignore the health dangers under the guise of “I love my body take it or leave it.” However, I am proposing that you stop focusing on every flaw, and accept your body. If there is something on your body that makes you feel uncomfortable, then take a jog around the block, do some sit ups, or hit the gym to improve your self-esteem. Exercise is a double win; you get the results you were hoping for and it increases your libido.

SEXUAL INCOMPATIBILITY:

Say you’ve decreased the stress in your life, you’ve finally reached that point of accepting a stretch mark and you still have a case of bedroom blahs. Has sex become boring? Are you often left unsatisfied? Have you reached the point where you’d rather please yourself than allow your partner to? Just take a moment to consider that sex should be a pleasurable activity between consenting parties.  Wild idea right?

If you can find the time to tell your partner they forgot to put the toilet seat down or they drank the last of the milk, then you can tell them that you’re not being pleased in the bed. The fear of hurting your partner’s feelings is a legitimate concern, but it’s all about the approach. Try some of the following for openers:

• Hey hun, I really like it when you ___________________.
• Baby it drives me wild when you ___________________.
• How would you feel about ______________ (insert a suggestive flirty look to convey the fact that you’re thinking dirty thoughts and good things will come if your partner acquiesces).

Communication is an integral part of a successful relationship. If your partner wants to please you then they’ll be more than willing to try your suggestions. No one wants to feel like they’re bad in bed, and since we’re not mind readers your suggestions should be welcomed.

Don’t let S Cubed steal your gas money! Put Stress in its place, tell your Self-Esteem where it can go, and aim for Sexual Compatibility. Your sex life will thank you!

 Your Sexpert,
Pretty Sexy  
Email your sex questions to Sexpert@ToyClosetNYC.com.

Pretty Sexy Janine is owner of Toy Closet NYC. Janine has an amazing online store and blog. Be sure to check her out!

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