We spend so much time talking about Good Men. My family and friends are always discussing the measures of a good man. A real man. Cues on SALT N PEPPA.
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The Fabric of a REAL Man by: Brandon Chef Valentino
So… what is a good man? Well, for the purpose of this post, I am going to use “real” instead of “good” because being a real man is less subjective. There is no universal definition of what is a real man. One person may think a real man is one who goes to church with them, while another may think a real man is someone who takes care of home financially. My definition of a “real” man obviously will be shaped by my experiences. Before I talk about what a real man is, let me list what a real man is not. Being born with a penis and living past 18 years does not make you a real man. Having the ability to produce children, or having sex does not make you a real man. Having multiple sex partners does not make you a real man. Being wanted by a lot of women does not make you a real man. Having a large bank account does not make you a real man. Being “hard” and tough does not make you a real man.
Again, please understand that there may not be a universal ‘list’ of what a real man consists of. However I am convinced that the characteristics below are widely accepted as ‘real’ characteristics. (Feel free to let me know if you disagree).
A real man is a man who understands who he is in God and understands the importance of allowing God to be the head of his life. As we all get older, you understand more and more the importance of having a man who is submitted to God because only then will he truly know how to love you the way you were designed to be loved. Not saying if the man can’t love you enough for you to be completely happy, but for a man to reach his full potential, I believe God has to be completely involved.
- A man who takes care of his responsibilities which includes, but is not limited to his family, his community and job.
- A man who understands the value of a woman and is committed to taking the time to learn how to love her. All women are not the same. What worked for the last woman may not work for this one. Real men are students of their woman.
A man who is secure with himself, but not arrogant. Insecurities open a can of worms not worth the energy it takes to deal with. Men who are insecure tend to be controlling and jealous. They are always suspicious of what their woman is doing, who she’s talking to and where she is at all times. Real men don’t use ‘scare tactics’ to try and control a woman because they are secure about who they are.
A man who understands the importance of family, whether he has a wife and children or not. The family is the foundation of life. Your family life will greatly determine your direction in life. Men are a major part of that direction. The majority of the problems we face in our world today can be traced back to family.
A man who is strong in mind and spirit but also understands that showing emotions does not make him weak. I often hear women talk about how their man will not open up to them or show emotions. She’s always trying to figure out how he feels. Real men do not have a problem expressing their feelings because they understand that doing so does not make them weak. However, I am NOT promoting ‘punkism.’ What I mean by that is, don’t be so sensitive that your woman feels like she can’t lean on you. Be sensitive in your interactions with her, but when you are dealing with the outside world you can’t be weak. I probably need a whole different message just on how to be strong and sensitive.
A man who doesn’t take flight in adversity but rather he will stand and fight even when he is afraid.
A man who is a giver. He wants to impact the world around him because he understands the importance of strong male leadership.
A man who is open to growing spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
A man who doesn’t just pay child support, but he is actively engaged in the upbringing of his children. Nothing upsets me more than bad parenting, whether it is mother OR father. Men do not seem to understand the devastating impact of ‘absentee fatherism.’ There are too many single mothers who have to do ALL of the heavy lifting when it comes to raising their children. The ones who pay the price for this are the children.
The Fabric of a Real by a REAL MAN. ~Mr. Valentino
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